Disney MGM Star Wars Weekends

Free Range Raised Fandom

Disney markets its Star Wars Weekends as a gathering and celebration of the Star Wars Saga. The fact of the matter is that Star Wars Weekends is nothing more than an outdoor convention with 3 vendors (Disney, Lucasarts, and Hasbro) with a multi-million dollar simulation ride at its epicenter. But once you get past that, you’ll find that the real entertainment is all around you if you just look closely.

The day started out like every other day in central Florida in the month of June: raining. I seriously considered my decision to brave the weather just to document this fanfest and was tempted to just sit at home and watch the second season of MacGyver on DVD instead. But I had sort of promised a couple of people I'd follow through with this idea, so out of a sick sense of devotion, I jumped in the shower and got ready to go witness this outdoor con. Well, that and I had a pass that was about to expire and I hate to waste free Disney admission.

Within the first 3 Minutes of driving, there's already a sign that "yes, you must go through with this". As I turn onto the highway taking me straight onto Disney property, I find myself right behind a Disney Cruise Line bus, which I end up following all the way to the MGM entrance.

Having made it this far, I actually get a tad excited about the whole trip and I start to get anxious to get to MGM Studios.

It doesn’t take long to get onto actual Disney property from my house (8 minutes to be exact). However, with 47 square miles of terrain to work worth, it can take from 30 seconds to 40 minutes to finally reach my destination. Fortunately only 12 minutes after passing the first Disney arch, I see a sign for MGM Studios.

Looks like I'm heading to MGM the back way- down a small one-lane road that leads to a single parking lot attendant gate. "Great, one car in front of me, I'll be parked in no time!" I think. Soon after, though, reality hits and I realize- "Oh crap, I'm going in the back way. The majority of the traffic is flowing from the other direction. Wonder who is going to have priority in the parking line." I have about a 2 to 3 minute wait before the retiree notices I'm mere inches from bumping into him, when he finally stops the opposite flow of traffic long enough for me the enter the parking lane.

This wait to park pays off as I have my first extreme fan sighting- A large gentleman clad in the flaming Darth Vader logo t-shirt & hat, two bandoleers of Disney Star Wars pins swinging from his neck, clutching an Episode III hardcover novel. Another good sign.

Onward to the “Film” lot, a lot that I usually end up in when I head to MGM at about 1:00 or 2:00 pm. Must be busy today.

So I park, gather my provisions, and join the herd trekking towards the Tram that’ll take us to the park. In-between the pitches for the “Tower of Terror” and “Weather permitting- Fantasmic!” the Tram attendant gives an excited spiel for Star Wars Weekends which lights up the faces of three quarters of the tram’s riders.

On to the park: As I approach the ticket booth/gate area, there’s a security check point. Now, if you go to Disney’s Website, you’ll see that they encourage costumes for this event. However, if you read the sign, you get a mixed message as it clearly states: “No masks, no painted faces (but feel free to have your face painted in the part for $19.95), no costume items that would impair your vision or conceal your identification”. (But if you’re wearing a Jedi robe, we embrace you with open arms.)

Passing by the 89 year security guard at the check point makes me feel awfully secure. Especially since my pockets are bulging with camera and electronic equipment. Nothing dangerous, but something I’d think security may want to check out before letting me in the park.

I have my pass, so no need to wait in the ridiculously long line at the ticket booth. But there is something off to the right that catches my attention. Before you even enter the park, there’s a photo op for any eager fan. Hasbro has set up a nice little “Darth Tater” stand with the Dark spud himself. No charge, but they make sure to let you know the exact store in the park in which you can purchase your own Darth Tater. Lest you forget to buy it in the park during your visit, they also sell it at the stand outside the exit.

It’s now pretty close to noon, and the park is reasonably packed, considering the weather. To my surprise, there is no onslaught of Star Wars Weekends signs and advertising the second you walk into the park. In fact, it is not until you start your approach to the Star Tours area that you see the first sign of any Star Wars Event. The first signs are the 3 indoor presentations pertaining to Star Wars in the old “Doug Live!” venue, which is a popular place today, thanks to the crappy weather.

“Crowded, but where are the dorks?” I think. As I make the turn past the Indiana Jones Stunt Show, the AT-AT peaking over the skyline, I find Star Wars Fandom paradise.

The landscape: A giant outdoor stage, with a massive Star Wars Weekends logo banner behind it. A huge crowd of people in front of the stage, and I have no idea why at this point..

Tens of dozens, if not hundreds, of children swing Blue, Green, Red, and Purple plastic light sabers everywhere. At this point, I dread not having my camera primed and ready to capture the poster child of geek-dom I that catches my eye immediately: A little kid wearing a Darth Vader voice changing mask, mock chest plate hanging around his neck, wielding a red plastic light saber attacking every “good colored” saber carrying child as he makes his way through the crowd. My camera never leaves my hand after that.

Time to take a quick survey of the area- This year they have split into the “Dark Side” and the “Light side”. “Interesting idea”, I think. Interesting until I realize that the extent of the themeing only means that Villain photo ops are on the Dark Side, and Hero photo ops are on the Light. Somewhere in the twilight of the Dark and Light is where all the action is. I pass by the Star Tours attraction line – a little busier than usual, but not terribly bad. Just past that I notice another line- kind of long, and a line that I’ve never seen in this park before. I think that it must be something really cool and unique set up especially for Star Wars weekends. I am half right, it is….. unique. It is a line to get into the Star Tours store itself. This is new; I’ve never seen this before. So I continue on, past the store and further down the path (not sure if it’s the dark or light path at this point). There are more ropes for lines in the middle of the park for what must have been or are going to be more photo ops. Apparently I have just missed the last round of characters because there are none to be found at this point.

I decide to start taking a closer look at the guests. Now the fun truly begins. At this point, to keep the text portion of this article under control, I refer you to the pictures that capture them in their glory. They pretty much speak for themselves:

 

 

 

          

      

      

After having enough of this general observing, my curiosity gets the best of me and I have to see what is going on inside the store that is making people wait to get in. After making a few laps around the Star Wars Weekends area, the line into the store hasn’t moved an inch. “I’ll run to the Muppet store and see what’s new”, I say to myself. So after a brief time in the Muppet store (in which I find and purchase a killer 16 inch Sweetums action figure), I check out the line again. One, at most two people have gotten in since I last checked, and there are now 3 times as many people in line than when I first decided not to go in. However, the line to “Star Tours” has grown shorter and shorter each time I pass. The sign announces a 20 minute wait, obviously a considerably shorter amount of time than it is going to take standing in the line to get into the store (and I get to ride “Star Tours” for the 172nd time). More importantly, the ride exits through the store! Plus, it starts to pour, and it is the quickest access to shelter.

I scurry under the Ewok village and through the maze of ropes that express Disney’s high expectations for the volume of guests in the queue for this attraction. After about 5 minutes of uninterrupted walking through the ropes, I reach the back of the line. Moments later, a trio of young Jedi get in line behind me. They have quite convincing costumes, except for the breast pockets on their white undershirts. But I suppose that proves to serve as a handy storage place for a Jedi’s holo-communication disc….or Mentos(tm). The Trio starts a conversation among themselves, but honestly, all I hear when any of these fans talk at this points is “Blah blah, Obi-wan would kick Blah blah butt, Blah blah, Anakin, blah blah blah dereciprocation”. Not sure about that last part, but I know I’ve heard it.

The line comes to a halt right where I can see the line to the store again. I haven’t been able to see the attendant at the entrance before this point, and I notice that he too has one of the $180 replica light sabers Disney seems bent on pushing. He is quite happy, (must be from the “light” side) and attempts to start a mini duel with any willing participant.

The line slowly moves forward, enough so that we are now stage left of the “Jedi Training Academy” show. (Which is a hell of lot closer than if you tried to find a place to watch in front of the stage.) This, I have to admit, is something I would have loved to have done as a kid. 20 kids are picked from the audience and given a plastic saber. They get about 10 minutes of group training with the saber, before Darth Vader breaks into the show, trying to convert the kids to the dark side. Each kid then has a chance to use their nifty new moves in a one-on-one duel with the Dark Lord himself.

This particular show starts off with a “Jedi Master” coming out on stage with a $180 replica light saber going through some flash sword play and kata. (Of course, it would be a lot cooler if it wasn’t the middle of the day and you could actually see the saber glow instead of if looking like some schmuck twirling a white stick.) Then our “Master” of ceremonies brings out his greatest and strongest Padawan, Stacey. Stacey is obviously from another planet as she has chosen to wear her sunglasses to protect her from the overcast skies and drizzling rain as she passes out light sabers to the youngling-would-be-Jedi volunteers. If you are not one of those deemed worthy of Jedi training, you get play with the B-team in a 2 second dual with a Darth Maul in front of the stage.

The star of this show is the young child that has obviously abandoned all of his previous training and decides to go ballistic on the Dark Lord. (To the actor’s credit, he blocks each and every swing that little tyke throws at him, really maintaining the illusion that this is Darth Vader.)

Into the ride: It hasn’t changed much since the first time I rode in 1989. Moreover, the biggest changes I notice are things that don’t work anymore. Case in point, there are a group of animatronic Mon-Calamari in a booth above the entrance that no longer move….. at all. A few of the droids further into the queue line no longer beep and twirl, and they no longer offer “air sickness” bags as your enter the “shuttle”.

So I’m in the ride, reciting the pilot droid’s script from memory at this point (bit of trivia: The pilot droid’s voice on “Star Tours” belongs to none other than Paul “Pee-Wee Herman, now appearing at an adult theater near you with bottomless popcorn” Ruebens), focused more on keeping my newly acquired Sweetums figure from getting banging up than paying attention to the ride itself.

 

 

      

      

   

Now that the “tour” is finally over, I can finally see what all the excitement is about in the gift shop. As I head down the ramp from the ride into the gift shop, I am amazed. The place is packed. I have never seen anything like this in this store before. All of the registers have 2 attendants each. There are additional “cast members” holding up the $180 light saber replicas, using them to point out the ends of the lines. I walk around the store as best as I can to see exactly why this store has become a Mecca for this crowd.

Amongst the toys, the souvenirs, and the merchandise that are in the store, I find only a few items that can’t be found in every Disney Store, Toys-R-Us, or starwars.com:
A Jedi Mickey Plush Toy
The aforementioned $180 light saber replica
2 Types of Star Wars Weekends Logo T-Shirts, and 2 Types of Star Wars Weekends Logo Hats

I’m sure there may have been less obvious limited edition items for sale in the store, but none that I comprehend warrant waiting outside for that long.

I fight my way out of the store to find a huge mob of people slugging along slowly, much like a Hurricane crossing Florida (That won’t be funny in about 2 months). The characters are out! There are Clone Troopers, Jawas, Clone Troopers, a Clone Trooper with a Yellow Stripe, and 3 Clone Troopers together! Either Clone Trooper costumes were really cheap after Episode II, or they’re really easy to make.

      

Okay, that was fun. I need to find a bathroom. I duck into the Backlot Express Restaurant – I remember there’s a bathroom in the back that isn’t marked, so there shouldn’t be much of a wait. As I approach the back of the food court/restaurant, I notice 2 life size statues of R2-D2 and C-3PO. Perfect place for them- they’ve never really been popular characters after all.

After that business is taken care of, I want to scope out any other characters that may have made it outside. None yet, but I do see a large line forming to… absolutely nothing. But there is a photographer waiting- apparently someone is about to come out, and with that long of a line, it must be someone really cool. I head towards the photographer to ask, but 2 overzealous fans beat me to the question. The official answer- “I can’t say.” So I trail behind the fans as they make their way down the line asking anyone in line if they know who’s coming. There are lots of speculations and guesses, but know one actually knows. But they’re all willing to wait in line. I’ll come back later.

Back to more walking around. I find another long line, but this time you can see who it’s actually for – Queen Amidala. A rather convincing Queen Amidala, at least until you get closer. Get even closer…somewhat disappointing.

Back to the mystery guest… Oh my god! It’s Luke Skywalker!?!?! Or at least some guy in a bad wig wearing a pretty decent Luke Skywalker costume. This one’s pretty bad. I can’t imagine that, in the entire Entertainment Department at Disney, there’s not one person that looks more like Luke Skywalker than this guy.

It starts to rain again, I’m hungry, and I think I’ve had about enough fun for one day. I decide that it’s time to go home and write down this mind-boggling experience.

All in all, it wasn’t the dork-fest I expected it to be. But it definitely was an out-of-the-ordinary Disney MGM experience. I’ll give it a shot next year; hopefully the weather will be better.