Trailer Pod Boys Episode 24 is online

The latest episode of Trailer Pod Boys, Episode 24 “This Should be Interesting” is now online.

Hear it here on the Trailer Pod Boys Website.

Episode 23 of Trailer Pod Boys is now online!

The latest episode of Trailer Pod Boys, “Instead of TPTP he did TTPP”, is now online!

Hear it here on the Trailer Pod Boys Website.

Chris in a Robin Costume

There really is no explaining this. All I can say is; for the past few months Chris and I have been arguing after recording sessions for the GR80s Podcast whether or not this happened – he’s been claiming it didn’t. But today I found a few seconds of proof that Chris did indeed dress up in Robin costume and run around (and on top of) the theater. Why? Don’t know. Perhaps if I ever find the original footage, that may shed some light on the answer.

Episode 22 of Trailer Pod Boys is now on-line

We say “Hello” to one of our all time favorite supporting characters, and give an thorough and detailed analysis of Season 4 Episode 3 of Trailer Park Boys, “Rib and Tiz’zug”

Episode 22 of Trailer Pod Boys

Trailer Pod Boys Episode 21 is now online!

Trailer Pod Boys Episode 21, Boy, I could go for a Cheeseburger, is no online.

Check it out here at the Trailer Pod Boys Website.

Episode 20 of Trailer Pod Boys in online!

Episode 20 of Trailer Pod Boys, “The Scotch Just Kicked in” is finally posted. It’s our 20th episode so we had a few drinks to celebrate. Take a listen and find out why Quint and David hide the hard liquor when Matt visits. Our round table is on Season 4 Episode 1 of Trailer Park Boys, “Never Cry Shitwolf”.

Hear it here at the Trailer Pod Boys Website.

Episode 19 of Trailer Pod Boys is now on-line

Episode 19 (and all the other previous episodes I’ve neglected to post here) of Trailer Pod Boys in now on-line!

Check it out at the Trailer Pod Boys Website.

Comic Wars: Episode 8

Greetings, space-dweebs! And welcome once again to another episode of Comic Wars.

In the last episode, if you recall, I pointed you to a wonderfully pointed and sick critique of The Phantom Menace. Well, our prostitute-kidnapping friend has returned with a complete tear-down of Attack of the Clones. It’s just as good as the first one. Watch it.

In the mean time, we muddle our way through issue #8: Eight Against A World, starring Dick Van Patten – I mean Han Solo.

Now, the title should sound a little familiar. I suppose it was really too much to ask them to at least reach double digits before completely ripping off their own prior issue titles. Not only is it a repeat, it’s incredibly content-free, as well as incorrect: They are not fighting an entire world, just one band of ruffians. Did these people even read their own comic book? (I’m collecting quite a bit of evidence to suggest that they, in fact, did not.)

Allow me to briefly draw your attention to the blurb about Luke’s Deadly Mission. I’m not going to cover it much in this review, because it’s really boring. The short summary is thus: Luke leaves Yavin – piloting a Corellian Corvette all by himself, no less – to go look for a new hiding place for the Rebellion. Nowhere in this issue does he meet with any deadly foes, or even a mildly dangerous hyperspace detour.

Also note the guy on the far right in the blue spandex and brown vest. He is nowhere in the issue, I guarantee it. I can only assume, because of the floppy hat and goggles, that he is supposed to be the cocky kid who reminds Han of Luke (you’ll see), but that kid dresses exactly like Luke, with the white karate top and tan leggings. Whereas this guy is easily in his mid-40’s and looks more like Bruce Dern than Mark Hamill. More proof that whoever designed the covers did not actually read the issue.

And the ominous red shadow that is advancing on Han and his merry men? Who is that? The main villain in this story line is a normal human who has an exceptional mustache, not some Wampa-crushing monster. I guess this is supposed to be some metaphorical representation of the terror that they face on this planet. Either that or Exhibit B in the People vs. Stupid Cover Artists.

Wait – the cover said “Eight Against A World”, and now it’s “Eight For Aduba-3″? Which is it? Did they come up with two awesome titles for this episode and were just unable to decide between them?

And, just as you thought the title would be the worst offender on the page (go on, I know you were thinking that), the eye moves just subtly downward to take in the horror that is the opening scene. How doest thou offend me? Let me count the ways:

1. When last we left Han, he was standing alone, unmolested, while three Chinese playboys entered the room and gave him an offer he couldn’t accept. Now, he’s being manhandled by a warty green ogre, the Asian gentlemen are nowhere to be found, and in their place are, from left to right, an alien from They Live, Luke Skywalker (note how little he looks like the man in blue on the cover), and Bob Roth strung out on meth.
2. The sheer amount of words Han spouts out in this single frame defies the sequential art concept. I mean, he spouts out three speech balloons before reacting to the hand on his shoulder that is clearly there the whole time. I’m all for a little suspension of disbelief, but this is ridiculous.
3. Luke Skywalker? Really? We’ve been alone with Han & Chewie for a whole issue and you’re already copying the main characters? Did last issue really sell that poorly?

So the reason Han is being roughed up is because the girl he was flirting with at the end of last issue is supposedly Green Guy’s girlfriend. Although, knowing jerks like this, he’s probably one of those guys who fantasizes that he’s dating the stripper, even though she just wants his money. That’s what passes for romance on this backwater planet.

I’m not sure what species he is, but apparently it’s a feature of his kind that one of his hands has three fingers and one has four. In most species this is a genetic abnormality, but in his, apparently it’s a feature. Especially since the spare finger can jump from hand to hand depending on the laziness of the artist.

Either way, he and his mismatched hands are ready to liquify Han for talking to his “girlfriend” and Han’s rather insulting bon mots are no defense. He proceeds to beat the shit out of Han (and his punches make the sound “THPOOOM!” every time he uses them, which I’m sure he trained long and hard to achieve) and knocks him into all the other patrons of the cantina, who become upset and begin attacking Han as well.

This fight scene continues to display Han’s propensity to speak EVERY SINGLE WORD THAT ENTERS HIS BRAIN (despite what we saw in the movies). It makes me wonder if the writers have ever been in a bar fight. Or any fight. Or seen a fight on TV. Or have ever seen Star Wars. While dramatized fights certainly have their share of witty banter, “Oh oh! Ducking time again!” sounds like something no one over the age of thirteen could write, much less read. Once again, 90% of these things could be either thought balloons or narration boxes. Or better yet, just left on the cutting room floor.

Han’s soliloquy in the second panel of the top row suggests that, rather than the grizzled veteran smuggler we all assumed him to be, he’s really only seen as many aliens as we have (i.e. the Cantina from the first movie), since he seems to be surprised that determining the gender of a different species might be difficult. If I were him, I’d be less surprised that the gorilla is a female, than that she thinks she can procreate (or even simulate procreation) with a creature who has an exposed brain and has to be completely covered up by a pressurized exoskeleton to survive in a primate-friendly atmosphere.

Brainy McGasmask’s super power seems to be the ability to make an impact sound (“SKOK!”) while swinging his fist through the air above Han. Maybe it has to do with the fact that he has four fingers on his left (or “Skokking”) hand, and only three on his right, much like Mr. Green Jeans over there.

As Han is delivering a Street Fighter-class uppercut to our rebreathing friend, he delivers the line “Okay … Now you can look!” For the life of me, I can not figure out who he’s saying that to, or what he means by it. It’s like they had some quota of speech bubbles to fill, and just let the intern do it.

Once again, we’re treated to another display of Wookiee martial prowess, in the form of Chewbacca standing there getting punched for three panels before retaliating.

While I appreciate the gratuitous Wookiee awesomeness, the physics of it just don’t work. Perhaps I’m being a bit picky here, but hear me out. Just as Superman shouldn’t be able to stop a speeding locomotive, no matter how strong or invulnerable he is – Newton’s second law says he’ll get thrown back because he weighs less than the train – Chewbacca shouldn’t be able to stand there and get THPOOOMed without even flinching. This guy just sent Han flying across the room. Chewie should at least have to step back to avoid the sheer kinetic energy knocking him over, even if he’s too tough to be hurt by it. He’s not even standing in any sort of fighting stance where he could absorb an impact  - he’s just flat-footed. Bah!

Having taken care of this ruffian, Han and Chewie turn back to the changelings who approached him about a job back in the last issue.

So, the locals have a problem: Their poor village gets raided every year by a band of hooligans led by a mustachioed douche named Serji-X, whom they call “Arrogantus – the Arrogant One”.

Sigh. Look, I realize that Lucas got really, really, bad at giving characters names in his later years (c.f. “Nute Gunray”), but “Arrogantus” is worse than Harry Potter’s use of Latin. At least in Harry Potter, it sort of makes sense, because they’re on Earth and even the wizards and witches derive some part of their culture from the Latins. It just doesn’t make any sense in the Star Wars universe.

Hey, but at least it’s a new villain. Even though he looks like the mascot of a breakfast cereal (“Hey, kids, be sure to eat your bowl of Captain Quazar for breakfast! It’s out of this world!”).

So, Captain Quazar – I mean Serji-X and his band of “Cloud-Riders” (riding bikes that are eerily prescient of the speeder bikes in Jedi) attack the same poor town at the same time every year, stealing their money, banthas and women (“First you get the banthas, then you get the money, then you get the women”). And if the villagers resist, the outlaws burn down their meager crops.

Now, I’m no outlaw (although I did omit some of my online purchases when filing my taxes this year), but it seems to me that committing the same crime in the same place at the same time every year seems like a bad plan. You might want to mix it up a bit, keep those peasants on their guard.

And speaking of peasants – why are you robbing poor people? They barely have enough to survive themselves. You do realize that when people are desperate enough, they will fight back. Whereas if you target more comfortable or well-off people, while they might have somewhat better security, they won’t fight back as fiercely, since they probably have insurance.

So, of course Han decides to take the job, pretty much pro bono (and without so much as consulting Chewbacca, I might add), as these villagers have little money. They only offer food and shelter, which I’m sure Han has plenty of on the ship. So I’m not sure why he’s getting involved. I guess the whole “saving the galaxy” thing is getting to his head.

Which doesn’t stop him from insulting them at every turn (“Gee it’d be a real loss to the galaxy if your village ceased to exist. Ha ha.”). Have some class, spacehole.

So he puts out word that he needs some help and sets up interviews in … his hotel room … sitting on his bed … with his shirt off. I’m sorry, did we just enter a porno?

The first applicant is a pocupine-person, wearing only a cape, boots and matching green jockstrap … wait, this is a porno! No, no, it’s just the writers’ attempt at another alien species, which, for some reason, all have to be anthropomorphized earth animals.

Anyway, porcupine-man impresses Han with his quills (bow-chicka-bow-wow) and gets hired. Next up is … Jodie Foster from Taxi Driver.

Seriously, I applaud the desire to add some sex-appeal into this storyline, but her outfit is just laughable. First of all, there’s no pink in Star Wars. And second, how does she expect to be taken seriously in the rough-and-tumble underworld with pom-poms on her shoulders, a rose in her hair, thigh-high boots and fuck-me pumps? I guess she must be tough if she’s survived so far dressing like that. I have a feeling that Mr. Thpooom would have made quick work of her, guns or no guns.

I’m not going to say that Lucas writes the best female parts – far from it, in fact. But at least in this trilogy, Leia does more than just look good. She acts as a foil to Han for the first two movies, dressing very conservatively until being captured by Jabba. In fact, sex appeal is just not a part of the Star Wars universe (aside from that one exception) which is why it sticks out so much here.

After some juvenile, sexually-charged banter, she gets the job and leaves, which means it’s time for another Earth-based reference. Enter Don-Wan Kihotay.

If it wasn’t obvious before, it becomes apparent that this comic is aimed at eight-year-old boys who have never read, or heard of, The Man of La Mancha, or cared that this character is a cheap steal from great literature. (Of course Lucas stole as well, but he did it in a more general sense, and stole from the archetypes of mythology. He didn’t just change the spelling of people’s names).

The fact that they added “Wan” to his name is, I hope, a reference to Obi-Wan, rather than Don Juan, because I’d rather not see this fool try to seduce any women, especially the bimbo with the shoulder sponges.

I’m really dreading this next bit. But I can’t think of anything else to say about Don-Wan, so we might as well get this over with.

Hoo boy. Yes, there is a six-foot anthropomorphic rabbit with cartoony-elastic legs in the middle of a Star Wars story. Oh, but he’s not just a rabbit, he’s a “Lepus Carnivorus — a meat-eatin’, rocket-ridin’ rabbit”. It’s bad enough that they’re trying to cross Star Wars with Looney Toons, but to make him such a ham-fisted attempt at an unlikely bad-ass is just pathetic.

I also love how his spindly-leg kick sends Mr. Thpooom flying down the stairs. I guess this is supposed to show how powerful his kicks are, but the artwork belies that. Real rabbits can jump because a great portion of their body mass is concentrated in their (comparatively) massive hind legs. This idiot is thinner than Paris Hilton’s shadow. There’s no way he can kick that hard.

The only explanation for this and Chewbacca’s fortitude is that the Green Goblin is a paper tiger, which makes the fact that he tossed Han around even more hilarious.

Next up is the kid from the first page who looks like Luke, for some unknown reason.

Although, between page 1 and page 22 his sleeves have gotten torn off somehow. I guess he wanted to show off his guns or something. He basically has nothing to offer Solo’s effort other than a tank-tread-based robot he’s built. Wait a second. Annoying useless kid, builds robots. Why does this sound familiar? Oh yeah.

And, once again, the intern was left to fill in some speech balloons, because I can’t believe that professional writers would write the line, “Because I’ve stuck on Aduba-3 all my life”. Are we to surmise that Marvel Comics – Marvel! – did not hire proofreaders for a flagship comic such as this?

The kid’s name is “Jimm, but I call myself the Starkiller Kid”, which must be a reference to Luke’s original name in an early draft of Star Wars. If even Lucas thought it was a bad idea, why did these people adopt it? And since when does adding an extra “m” to “Jim” make it spacey?

Well, other than Han’s line “We can always use a good robot, son” (Why? Doesn’t it depend on the type of robot?) this scene just serves to segue into Luke’s non-adventure, so let’s go ahead and skip over it.

It’s the next morning, and before Han has the chance to brief his motley bunch, the enemy shows up. And rather than just blow them all to bits, Serji-X opts to parley and try to buy Han off, assuming that since he looks like Daniel Day-Lewis from Gangs of New York, his charisma will do the trick. But no dice – Han has already developed a conscience and would rather take the villagers’ last dime than get bought off by this guy. Which I can understand. I hated Gangs of New York. Yeah, I hated it, fuck you.

At this point, plucky comic-relief Jimmy Starkiller tries to blast Serji-X, but Han has his Number One Whore, Amaiza (wow, that sounds like a female character’s name I would have thought up in junior high school) knock him out with a THOK to the head.

And just a little while ago, he shot Greedo (FIRST) to get out of paying some debt to Jabba. Actually, it wasn’t even to get out of paying his debt – it was just to get a little extension on it. So, now, after hanging with Luke and Leia for, what, a couple days, he’s gone from murdering an honest bounty hunter for a little more time to pay back his debt to honoring a truce agreement with an admitted criminal. I guess his character arc is not as profound as it once appeared. And if Lucas has his way, he’ll have no character arc at all.

As an added bonus, I noticed the letters-to-the-editor page in this issue, mainly because it consists almost entirely of a negative letter and its response.

This confirms my suspicion that the writers were working with a pre-final script and as such are not to blame for including things in the comic that got cut from the movie. But I would still argue that they made qualitative changes to the dialogue that are unforgivable. And I agree with this letter-writer that the artwork seems rushed, especially given the uneven nature of it.

So, nice try, editor, but you’re not getting off the hook that easy.

Episode 16 of Trailer Pod Boys is online!

David provided us an example of Trailer Parks Boys in Higher education. And our Round Table discussion takes a look at Episode 5 of Season 3 of Trailer Park Boys, “Closer to the Heart”

Check it out at the Trailer Pod Boys Website.

Trailer Pod Boys Episode 14 “Canada South” is now online

We take a trip down memory lane with our first ever Trailer Park Boys segment from our first podcast series “The D-1-3 Show”. And our round table discussion takes a look at Season 3 Episode 3, “If I can’t smoke and swear, I’m fucked!”

Listen to it at the Trailer Pod Boys Website.

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