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Sir Steve’s Guide Raymus vs Colton discussion

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Jimmy Fallon MTV Movie Awards Episode 3 Parody

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Bespin Guard.com

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Coleman Trebor vs Wat Tambor Jedi Academy KTOF

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Here is a blast from the past! Tim from Star Wars in Character brought this up in our last recording. This is one of the very first media projects we all did together nearly 20 years ago! And, the very first thing we did with the name “NeoZAZ” attached to it.

When terrorist take over a local movie theater, one usher steps in to thwart their evil plans.

Enjoy this 1995 epic straight to video masterpiece; “Die Hard: With Butter Flavoring”

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NeoZAZ.com Megacon 2013 Photo Gallery

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This week: Chapter 11, “The Fate of Luke Skywalker”.

By the cover, you might think that this issue is somehow about Luke Skywalker. If by that you mean that he doesn’t show up until the last 4 pages of the book, then spot on. First, we have to catch up with Han and Chewie. Oh, and also, the title is now “Star Search”.

The most important part of this whole page, is right at the top – no more Howard Chaykin. Archie Goodwin has taken over writing duties, thankfully. The art doesn’t seem to have improved noticeably, but let’s hope the writing does.

Also, I think that drawing of the Falcon isn’t finished yet. They forgot all the fiddly bits on the bottom.

We catch up with Han and Chewie leaving Aduba-3 and recapping their adventures there, which I won’t bother going into as I’d rather drink hot boiling tar mixed with Clorox than think about that idiotic storyline again. They end up coming out of hyperspace right back to where they got jumped by pirates in Issue 7, to find the same pirates waiting for them. Recycling ideas already, Archie? Not a good start.

The pirates, led by Crimson Jack, pilot a stolen Imperial Star Destroyer, something so improbable, I find it harder to believe than most of the ridiculous shenanigans on Aduba-3. Think about it: Those ships have got to be staggeringly expensive to build – bested only by the Death Star, I would think – that the Empire wouldn’t just lose one. And how does a handful of petty criminals get their hands on one anyway? Either the ship was deserted, which doesn’t make sense if it’s still space worthy, or they boarded it and took it, which means they are an insanely competent band of pirates, in which case, why are they bothering with Han, since they already took all his money? As it turns out, this story gets told in a later issue, so stay tuned for that.

Han and Chewie dock aboard the Star Destroyer, only to find Princess Leia is already there, held prisoner by Crimson Jack. It’s amazing how the coincidences just pile up, out there in the vast reaches of space. We have no idea how he captured her, but she’s 0 for 2 in escaping Star Destroyers. Someone should get her a better pilot or something.

Jack’s plan is actually somewhat coherent, albeit cruel. He’s going to slowly cook Han and Chewie to death with blasters turned on their lowest setting (defrost?) to scare Leia into telling him where the Rebel treasure is. Little does he know that getting her to talk is a task even beyond the best torturing minds of the Empire, much less his second-rate skills.

Han has a plan, but his only chance is to survive long enough to talk to Jack for a minute, so what does he do? He lets Chewie stand in the way of all the blaster bolts while Han telekinetically causes a blaster rifle to fly into his hands.

I knew Wookiees were tough, but man, he takes a blaster to the chest and then just tosses three guys around like nothing happened. I love it when Chewie gets to go all wild on people, especially because his strength and ferocity were only hinted at in the movies, given that Peter Mayhew, while tall, was probably not able to move too well in that costume, and also doesn’t have the strength of ten men. It’s a lot easier to show this kind of thing in the comic, and I hope they keep it up.

So Han gets his hands on a blaster and engages a stand-off with Jack, although I think he’s still at quite a disadvantage as any of Jack’s men could easily pick him off, even if they have to take two seconds and switch their guns back to “kill” first. But Han’s a fast-talker and he whets Jack’s appetite for money, earning himself “a reprieve … and a free meal”. Well, that’s generous of you.

Part of Han’s plan is convincing Jack that Leia has already fallen in love with him. That’s all well and good, but it seems to have triggered some sort of eye-laser in the bottom center panel. It’s a good thing that Han’s exposed neck is laser-proof, or she would have cut him down with her (unbeknownst) Force powers.

So Han goes in for the fake kiss, and proceeds to have a conversation that takes longer than some of my relationships while lip-locked.

I’ve got new respect for the man. That takes some skill.

Seriously, though, this page is some pretty decent writing (if not dialogue). Or maybe the bar was set so low by the previous writer that I’m just happy that anything is making sense. Han is thinking on his feet. And Leia, far from being a typical-of-70′s-comics silly woman, catches on and plays along, giving Han vital information about Luke and getting in a boot to the head for good measure. I have some respect for Archie now. Let’s see how long it lasts.

Do not tell me I’m the only want who was hoping for a little princess-on-pirate action here.

Also, “Zisp” and “Klong” enter the list of sounds that cannot physically occur.

Let’s pause briefly to take in the glory that is an ad for Howard the Duck.

How perfect is it that they would advertise Howard the Duck in a Star Wars comic? For those who are unaware, George Lucas would go on to produce the first of his now numerous turds with 1986′s Howard the Duck. But beside that little tidbit, let’s explore the rest of this thing.

Full disclosure – I have never read any issue of Howard the Duck. For all I know it was a wonderful existential satire on society. But can you imagine a daily newspaper strip? Maybe the current crop of newspaper comics has dulled our senses with inanity such that we cannot imagine anything biting or satirical there (even Doonesbury has been relegated to the Op/Ed page). Maybe it was different in 1977.

Then there’s the tagline: “Trapped in a world he never made!” Well, isn’t that everyone? Who was ever born into a world that they made?

And what kind of a nickname is “Piano” anyway?

Anyway, back to the story:

Do you remember the cover with Luke battling a sea creature? Yeah, just in case you were wondering when we’d get to that, Leia now has to recap the whole “Luke searching for another rebel base in the Drexel system” story, but in this case it’s in a weird internal monologue in which she is speaking to Luke in the first person. But instead of recapping what we’ve already seen, it would have been nice to, I dunno, explain how she got caught by Crimson Jack? Nope.

Finally, the pirates and their captives set off for the Drexel system and we get to see what’s been happening to Luke.

Uh oh! Who could have foreseen such a thing, except by looking at the cover and spoiling the fun oh well.

It seems that Luke and his droids have crash landed in the water and are fending off some sort of sea creature, while their open-hatched ship sinks. Maybe next time, don’t open up the hatch, OK? Also, wasn’t Luke piloting an entire Correlian Corvette by himself? That ship is at least ten times as large as that sea monster. Where’s the rest of it?

What I want to know is just how the droids got out onto the deck of the ship. Threepio is only barely bipedal, and Artoo is really only designed for flat surfaces. There is no way they aren’t both in the drink right now. Although it looks like the artist has somehow given Artoo two extra (magnetic?) feet to clamp him to the hull while his normal legs flail wildly about. I’m sure that explains it, somehow.

Luke’s blaster is just about out of juice, so they jump back in the ship and close the hatch just in time for the monster to Wha-Lom! the ship. And, of course Artoo is the only one intelligent enough to think of using an escape pod. Do you think they’re turning him into a one-trick pony with that? Doesn’t anyone else realize all ships larger than fighters have escape pods?

So they get away, but now they’re stranded. But at least there’s someone else there, riding another sea creature and wearing some sort of SCUBA suit.

The story ends with “Next issue: DOOMWORLD!”, which is so generically impending I bet it shows up in at least a third of the issues in this series.

Tune in next time when we find out exactly what kind of doom (watery) is on this world, and whether Han and Leia will get there in time to save Luke (yes) and defeat Crimson Jack (maybe).